Family Relationships: A Guide for Siblings of Autistic People
Supporting siblings of autistic children.
Having an autistic sibling can be a very positive experience, as you can share in their unique qualities and their particular perspective on life. Many siblings find that this relationship helps them to become more accepting and empathetic. However, there are also aspects of the sibling experience that can be quite stressful.
Here we explore some of the common concerns you might have about having an autistic sibling, whether you are a child, a teenager, or an adult.
Adult Siblings of an Autistic Person
As an adult, you may be concerned about your autistic sibling’s future, particularly if they have higher support needs. You might wonder about their care arrangements if your parents are currently their primary caregivers.
Many families find it helpful to meet to discuss future options. It is vital that your sibling is included in these conversations using whatever form of communication they are most comfortable with. This ensures their views and preferences are at the heart of any decisions. Considerations might include:
Living Arrangements: Could they live independently with support, or would they prefer a supported living arrangement or residential care?
Daily Life: Would they like to have a job, a voluntary role, or attend college?
Independence: What steps can be taken to help them manage their money or advocate for their own needs?
Teenage and Child Siblings
As a sibling, you might experience a wide range of emotions. You might feel that your brother or sister gets more attention from your parents, or that the "rules" seem different for them. This can lead to feelings of frustration, confusion, or even jealousy.
Understanding more about the autistic experience can help you see why your sibling may act or react in certain ways. Understanding that their brain processes information differently can make their responses feel less personal.
Bridget shared her experience of having an autistic sister:
"Even now I still find it hard to deal with. I'm a lot more patient with my sister than I used to be, and I'm trying to be a better sibling to her. I sometimes slip and get into a bad mood - but hey, I can't be perfect all the time. I'm still getting used to the whole concept of autism, and I don't really understand all about it."
It is important to remember that you are loved just as much as your sibling. Often, parents may feel that because you are more independent, you require less intensive support in that moment. If you are struggling, try to talk to your parents. If speaking face-to-face feels difficult, writing an email or a text can be a great way to start the conversation. You could also ask for some "one-on-one" time with them.
Support in School and the Community
If you feel comfortable, you could ask a teacher if your school could provide education on autism. This can help your peers understand your sibling’s experience better and foster a more inclusive environment.
It can also be incredibly helpful to talk to other people who have an autistic sibling. There are specific support groups and local networks where you can meet people who truly understand your situation.
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